Helpless
by dwparsnip
Summary: My take on when it was that Lisa, Rick, Miriya and Max felt the most helpless.


Okay, I know I promised that I wouldn't do anything else until I updated my other fics, but I got this idea and went with it. Hopefully the updates will come easier now that I've managed to do this. It hasn't been run through a beta, so all mistakes are my bad. I'd appreciate any feedback you'd like to give. I will not beg, though.

Almost forgot…I don't own Robotech or any of the characters from Robotech. Harmony Gold does.

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"How are you doing, Lieutenant Jacoby?"

Rick looked down to the young lieutenant hugging herself on the bench in the pilot's changing room and waited for an answer. He was very careful to stay still and keep his face neutral. The last thing he wanted to do was to let the young woman think he was becoming impatient or that he was upset or disappointed in her.

Quite the opposite was true, as a matter of fact. She had just managed to survive the complete power loss of her veritech at 10,000 feet. That was impressive enough, but to make it even more interesting was that she'd managed to live **and** save her aircraft without harming anyone. That was more than impressive…that was Sterling-esque.

No power meant she couldn't change modes; no Guardian or Battloid configurations available, just glide, bring the nose up, glide, bring the nose up, etc., etc. Even after twenty minutes of talking to the flight crew he had no idea of how she managed it, nor did anyone else. One of the tarmac crew even went so far as to suggest that it was a miracle.

Maybe. He'd seen enough in his time to believe there could very well be such things as miracles.

"Lieutenant?" he tried again, and slowly her head lifted to look at him. Her usually vibrant blue eyes were dull, and the redness in them caused by what he suspected had been non-stop crying made them stick out in stark contrast to her habitually pale skin. She had managed to remove her helmet, but hadn't gotten to or thought about trying to fix her short blond hair which shot about in all directions. The helmet sat on the floor at her feet, forgotten by its owner and silent in its protest of it. Her arms were wrapped around her tightly, as though she was hanging on for dear life.

She hadn't even removed her gloves.

Rick had never seen her so shaken before.

"It's okay, Gwen," he said, trying her name instead of rank in hopes of getting through to her more. He knelt down in front of her, making them almost eye level with each other. "You're okay, and that's the most important thing."

She opened her mouth to say something, but after a shiver wracked her body she shook her head quickly, shut her eyes tight and closed her mouth without saying anything at all.

Rick reached over with his right hand and placed it on her left shoulder. To his relief she didn't recoil at his touch. To his dismay she didn't relax either. "Gwen…talk to me."

She swallowed hard and after several seconds managed to open her eyes and look at him. Rick waited a few more seconds then smiled and nodded for her to go ahead. She lowered her head and looked downward, but when she spoke it was lower than a whisper.

"I'm sorry, Gwen. I didn't hear you," Rick said softly.

Gwen looked up and into his eyes once more. "Helpless." She shakily reached up with her right hand and wiped away the tears building up in her eyes again. After replacing her hand to its previous position she said, "I've never felt so helpless in my life."

Rick nodded in understanding. There had been many times in his life when he'd thought the exact same thing. Odd that most of those times were related to his job. It was perhaps disturbing that there were some that weren't. In any case, he could relate to the torrent of feelings the young pilot before him was going through.

"You're young, Gwen," he said with a little levity in his voice, "you'll have lots of chances to top that."

A look of horror shot across the young woman's face and Rick instantly felt guilty as hell. _"Too soon for humor,"_ he thought belatedly. "Sorry," he said sincerely, "bad attempt at being funny." Her face settled back into one of shock and Rick moved to sit down next to pilot's left. After a deep sigh he said, "Every pilot faces what you faced today, Gwen. Some face it many times and continue on despite them. Some face it many times and fate finally catches up with them. A lucky few manage to face it only once and either go on or quit. What you do is up to you." Rick looked forward to the far wall and his lips turned upward into a rueful smile and his voice became nostalgic. "I'm one of the former. I've felt so helpless in the cockpit so many times I've lost count." He sensed more than saw Gwen's head snap towards him. He nodded and said, "Oh yes, Lieutenant. Many, many times, indeed. Sometimes I managed to get out of it with the help of others; some more times I managed to get out of it myself, like you did today. But I've never forgotten about any of them."

Rick paused and turned to check on Jacoby, and he was delighted that she had turned and was paying attention to him. He smiled and turned back towards the wall. "The last time I felt utterly helpless was…was when Khyron attacked the SDF-1," Rick said, and then clarified, "his last attack, I mean." Rick stopped for a moment and collected his thoughts. He hadn't really discussed that with anyone, not even Lisa. He wasn't even sure that he should be discussing some of their most intimate minutes with Jacoby, someone who wasn't a friend, but he figured Lisa wouldn't mind if it was to help someone out. Besides, it's not like their relationship or how they came to be together was a secret.

Not even close.

"Lisa, I mean Captain Hayes, had just come to my house to tell me she was leaving the next day on the SDF-2." Rick laughed self-derisively as he added, "Like an idiot I had no idea what to do or say. But when she told me that she loved me, I knew that I felt the same way even though, again, like an idiot I didn't know what to say. I don't know why I didn't realize it before, maybe it's true what they say, you don't know how much you care about someone until you lose them. Anyway, she ran towards the ship as the first salvo hit. I ran after her, found her and told her that I loved her too." He glanced over at Gwen and nodded at her amazed look. "Pretty cool, huh?" Rick nearly jumped with joy when the young woman smiled and nodded. "Anyway," he continued after turning back towards the wall, "we both went to our stations, Lisa aboard the SDF-2 and me to my veritech. Not long after I got airborne, Khyron's cruiser blasted the SDF-2 and it began to sink. I tried to contact the ship, to talk to Lisa to see if she was all right, but I couldn't."

"You felt helpless then?" she asked.

Rick shook his head. "No, I just got pissed off. I wanted to make them pay, to suffer even." Rick took a deep breath and tried to quell the intense feelings he was reliving. After a moment he succeeded and said, "I flew to the cruiser and started shooting anything that moved. That's when I heard Lisa's voice in my ear telling me to get out of there. She was aboard the SDF-1 and they were about to fire the main gun. I hightailed it out of there with Max and Miriya on my wings and the SDF-1 fired, hitting the cruiser. I saw the hit had only glanced the bottom of the ship, but I still assumed it was finished. It wasn't until a few seconds latter that I saw every free veritech flying towards the cruiser and all the SDF-1's in close armaments continue firing that I knew something was wrong. The cruiser was on a collision course and the SDF-1 was helpless." He turned back to Gwen. "And so was I. I fired everything I had left at the cruiser," Rick said as he held her gaze, "but I knew it was hopeless. I couldn't stop it. Nothing would stop it. I sat in that cockpit and tried to think of something, anything that would help Lisa." He shook his head sadly and said, "But I couldn't."

"I was totally powerless to do anything, just after I realized how much Lisa meant to me." Rick sighed and shook his head once. "I had never felt so helpless in my life. My heart sank when the cruiser hit the SDF-1. I thought I'd lost Lisa and so many of my friends, all because I couldn't save them. The only thing that got me through was Lisa. Yes, I'd still lost some of my closest friends, but I still had the woman I loved…we had each other, and we helped each other get through it."

By the time Rick finished Jacoby was smiling widely. "So you see, Lieutenant, the fact that you got through it is a testament to your strength. In fact, the fact that you got through it only added to your strength. What you do with that strength is up to you. You can do what I did and swear to live life to the fullest and do my absolute best to make sure I didn't take anything for granted, especially Lisa, or you can let it consume you."

Rick stood up and faced the young lieutenant and smiled. "If I were a betting man, I'd bet on you, Gwen. Besides," Rick glanced to a just opened door and grinned, "like me you have all the help you need and a reason to go on, too." Rick stepped back just in time to allow Jacoby's fiancé to rush in and grab her in an intense hug. Rick stayed for a moment, and then turned to leave, not wanting to intrude on their private time. He'd only taken a couple of steps when Jacoby's voice stopped him. He turned around and faced her. She released her fiancé and stood up to face him. In two quick strides she reached him and hugged him tightly.

"Thank you so much, sir."

Rick returned her hug and whispered, "My pleasure, Gwen." He released her and put both his hands on her shoulders. "Take a few days off and think about what you'd like to do…no rush."

Gwen smiled kindly at her CO. "I'll take the days off," she said with some humor in her voice, "but I already know what I'm going to do, sir. Thanks to you."

Rick smiled and released her, then looked to her fiancé and nodded once before leaving. Rick walked outside and was only mildly surprised to see Max waiting for him.

"How much did you hear?" asked Rick as they walked towards the ready room.

"Everything," responded Max immediately. "I hope you don't mind, I was just going in to check on her when I heard you talking."

"Don't mind at all," said Rick with a smile. "What do you think?"

"I think she'll be fine," replied Max confidently.

Rick spared a glance back at the change room and smiled. "I think so, too."

The two men walked into the ready room and went over the patrol routes for the next day. It was pretty basic stuff, and after filing the plans and duty roster for the patrols with the tower they were free until the next day.

"Where are you off to?" asked Rick to Max as they walked through the parking lot of Fokker Base.

Max shook his head. "Nowhere in particular. Miriya and Dana are gone shopping with Jean and Bowie. I suppose I could go home and do some housework," he said in a tone of voice that said he really didn't want to do anything of the sort.

Rick smiled. "Lisa has meetings all afternoon." He looked up into the clear blue sky and when he felt the warm wind in his face he got an idea. "I've got beer at my place," he said as he turned to Max. "Interested?"

Max nodded a little more eagerly than he meant to. "Yes, please." Max headed towards his car a short ways away saying over his shoulder, "I'll meet you there."

Rick nodded and got into his own car and got moving. After passing through the main gate of Fokker Base he turned towards his house, his **and** Lisa's house. As he drove he thought about Jacoby. He sincerely hoped she would be okay. She wasn't just a hell of a pilot, she was a beautiful person, the type of person who had lots of friends because she was always willing to help and never had a bad word to say about anyone. She sure as hell didn't deserve the fright that she had received.

He pulled into his driveway and went into the house, making a beeline straight for the fridge. He had just opened the door when Max pulled into the driveway. Rick picked out two cold ones and waited for Max to come in, saying when he did, "Patio?"

Max nodded and the two men went out through the back door onto a ground level patio, complete with requisite round table, chairs and absurdly big umbrella. Rick placed one beer on the table in front of one of the chairs and moved to sit in a chair across from that one. Once seated he opened his beer, took a gulp and then placed the bottle on the table. He sighed contentedly and leaned back in the chair and smiled when Max assumed a similar position.

They sat in silence for several minutes until Rick spoke. "What about you, Max?"

It was a testament to their close relationship that Max didn't need to ask what Rick was talking about. After Jacoby's experience and the revelation of Rick's feeling of helplessness during Khyron's attack, it would be only natural for Rick to ask him about his most helpless moment. He sat there and thought about it for a minute. Like Rick, he'd had more than a couple of times where he'd felt helpless- what was the saying? - the list was long, but distinguished.

Max had been locked in silent contemplation for so long that Rick wasn't sure he should have asked. "If it's too personal, Max…"

"No," interrupted Max. He gave Rick a wry smile and said, "You know me better than that. I guess when we attacked the Satellite Factory, maybe."

Rick furrowed his brow in confusion. "The Factory?"

Max took a slug from his beer and nodded as he placed the bottle back on the table. He leaned back and watched a flock of birds fly through the sky. "I was fine with the whole thing up until we blasted into the Factory itself. I mean, on the way to the Factory I kept on eye on Miriya's veritech and gave her all the protection I could. I was scared for her and Dana, but at least I knew I could do my best to keep them safe." Max looked to Rick and gave him a sly grin, "Plus Miriya is a reasonably able pilot."

The two men laughed at the ridiculousness of what had always been an inside joke with the two of them: Miriya was one of the best and they both knew it.

The laughter died down and Max looked back to the sky. "But when we set our Guardians down inside the satellite and stood up in our cockpits, we were defenseless. There must have been dozens of Zentraedi circling us, and every one of them had a blaster aimed right at us. If they had decided to fire, there was no way we would have been quick enough to get back in the saddle and avoid it all." Max sighed and took a deep breath. "But standing there, just standing there facing Reno and his soldiers without so much as a handgun was the most helpless feeling I've ever had, I think. If the Zentraedi had decided to shoot, we would have been sitting ducks, and there was nothing I could do about it. It was Miriya's show…well, Miriya's and Dana's, I guess. And knowing that they were next to me was the only thing that kept me from losing it. I had to keep control, for them." Max turned to Rick and smiled. "I'll tell you one thing though, it was such a relief to sit down and get my hands on the controls. As soon as my hand touched the stick and the throttle the helpless feeling left and I was ready to go." Max sighed again. "I hope I never go through anything like that again."

Rick picked up his beer and leaned forward to hold it in the air between them. Max picked up his own beer and they clinked their bottles together in salute. "Me too, old buddy. Me too."

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Max put away the last of the dishes and walked into the living room to find Miriya looking out the window at the setting sun. Dana was staying at Bowie's for the night, and no matter how old Dana got or where she was staying, Miriya always got a little sad when her rambunctious daughter was away from her for long periods of time.

"_So beautiful,"_ he thought not for the first time. He walked up behind her and slipped his arms around her waist and laid his chin on her right shoulder. Miriya placed her hands upon his hands and smiled contentedly.

"Mir," said Max quietly, "have you ever felt helpless?"

"What?"

Max hugged her a little tighter and explained. "To help Jacoby through her problem today, Rick told her about a time when he felt completely helpless, and later we talked about it and I told him my most helpless moment. I was just curious about yours, I guess."

"In the park," she said without actually having to think about it. Max wasn't sure exactly what she meant by that and stayed silent, so she continued. "That night in the park on the SDF-1…our first date."

"Our first date?" repeated Max, a little shocked that something he remembered as one of the best times in his life would qualify for Miriya as one of her most helpless moments.

Miriya nodded, and sensing Max's surprise she patted his hand reassuringly. "Yes, Max. Remember, I was so very new to the Micronian lifestyle, and a little over whelmed by the bright lights, customs and my quest for revenge." Miriya gave Max a snort of laughter. "I went there that night and waited for you to arrive, feeling very confident that I would defeat you. I felt so sure that vengeance for my defeats at your hands would be mine." Miriya closed her eyes as she remembered. "I watched you for a while as you stood there, and my confidence remained. And it remained solid as I charged towards you with my knife held high. Even as we battled I had no doubt that I would win." She turned around within Max's grasp and faced him, placing her hands on Max's upper arms. "But when you knocked my knife out of my hand and pointed the knife you had at my head, I knew it was over. I knew that I had failed. When I fell to my knees before you asking you to end my life, that was the most helpless feeling I have ever had."

Max had no idea what to say to her. "Miriya…"

"It's all right, my love," she said with a brilliant smile. "That feeling was replaced with something so wonderful that I gladly accept it as the price I had to pay, and would pay it again in a heartbeat if it was necessary." She moved her arms around his neck and drew him close, embracing him in as warm a hug as she ever had.

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"Good morning, Captain," greeted Miriya formally as Lisa walked into the office.

Lisa nodded and said with equal propriety, "Good morning, Commander." Both women stared at each other for a few seconds before breaking out in laughter over the unusual instance of protocol between them and giving each other a big hug. "Come on in, Miriya," said Lisa after a moment.

Miriya did as Lisa told her and walked into Lisa's office, sitting in the visitor's chair as Lisa walked in. After she sat down in her own chair, Lisa looked to her friend and asked, "How is everything, Miriya? We haven't had a chance to talk in too long. How's Dana?"

"She's fine, Lisa," answered the green-haired flying ace. "Max says she is as hyper as ever. She spent the night and Jean's last night and when I called this morning, Jean sounded very tired."

The two women shared a laugh at that. "All right, let's get started," said Lisa, "so that we can go and get some coffee or something and have a proper chat."

Miriya nodded and for the next thirty minutes the two women discussed crew replacements and rotations. It was pretty dry stuff, mostly consisting of number crunching and resource allocation, but necessary. It didn't take as long as it would for most people, with Lisa and Miriya's ability to organize making it easier.

"That's it," announced Lisa as she closed the folder in front of her and moved it off to the side. "How about that coffee?"

"That sounds good," said Miriya with a nod of her head. "But before we go, can I ask you something?"

Intrigued, Lisa simply nodded.

Miriya leaned forward in her chair and asked, "What was your most helpless moment?"

Lisa collapsed back in her chair. As questions went, it was a strange one, especially coming from Miriya. "Ah, I haven't thought about it. Why?"

Miriya leaned back in her own chair. "Max asked me last night what mine was. I…I was just curious. I'm sorry if…"

Lisa held up her hand and smiled at her friend. "Don't be. It was a simple enough question and you know you can ask me anything." Lisa folded her hands together on her lap, sat still for a moment and then smiled somewhat painfully. "The Grand Canon," she said so quietly that she wasn't sure if Miriya had heard it. She realized that Miriya did actually hear her when she nodded as though she should have known. Lisa could feel the sadness weigh down on her shoulders as she let the memories bubble to the surface. "I was in the comm. bunker when the main fleet attacked. I remember that I couldn't believe it was happening, that thousands upon thousands of Zentraedi ships were shooting at the Earth. Reports started flooding in immediately, reports of widespread destruction and devastating casualties. It didn't take long for the attack to reach where I was, even though I was deep underground. Panels started exploding all around me sending glass and shrapnel everywhere, hitting everyone around me. It eventually got to the point where I was the only one left." Lisa took a deep breath and took a second to compose herself and her thoughts. "I kept calling out over the radio for anyone to respond, and finally my father answered. He told me that he should have listened and that I should get out, but he had to know that getting out was impossible. When he…when his transmission was cut, I knew I was the last one. I was all alone, in the bowels of Alaska Base with no one to talk to, or to talk to me, or help me." Lisa hugged herself against the sudden chill that enveloped her. "There was nothing I could do. I knew the planet had been laid waste, and there was no one else alive. I felt so incredibly helpless, and to tell you the truth, I gave up. Oh I kept fiddling with the frequencies and kept calling out over the radio, but it was only because of instinct and training, not because I hoped for or expected anyone to respond." A smile, wide and bright, appeared out of nowhere on Lisa's face and the chill was replaced by something warm and wonderful. "And that's when I heard Rick's voice. He heard my call and came to rescue me. When I heard his voice the helplessness just melted away."

Miriya smiled at the tenderness in her friend's voice. "I thought that maybe it would have been during Khyron's last attack."

Lisa shook her head and with a sad smile she said, "I wasn't alone then. The girls, Claudia and Admiral Gloval were all with me on the bridge, where we had spent so much time together and became a family. Between you and me, I was content to die there with them. I'd even made my peace with it in the seconds between realizing what Khyron was doing and when the Admiral pushed me into the escape pod. But in Alaska Base, there was no one."

The two friends sat in solemn silence for a few moments until Miriya's voice rang out cheerfully. "Let's go get that coffee now!"

Lisa laughed and stood up, and matching the cheerfulness of her friend she said, "Okay!"

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"What was your most helpless moment?"

Rick looked up from his newspaper to see Lisa looking at him intently. Her hair was still wet from the shower she'd just taken, and her light pink robe distracted him only for a moment.

"Why?" he asked abruptly, caught off guard as he was by the question and the fact that Lisa was standing before him wearing nothing but a robe. He threw the paper onto the coffee table and motioned for her to sit next to him on the couch.

"Miriya asked me what mine was," she said as she moved to sit next to him, being very careful not to let her robe slip open.

Rick put his left arm around her and pulled her close. It shouldn't have surprised him, he supposed… the question was bound to get around. "When Khyron locked his cruiser onto a collision course with the SDF-1," said Rick succinctly. "I watched it dive for the SDF-1 and there wasn't a damn thing I could do about it. I thought you…I thought I was never going to see you again, or have the chance to show you that I really did love you." He tightened his hug and asked, "What about you?"

"Alaska Base," she replied and Rick understood instantly. "I was deep underground and all alone and there was nothing I could do except wait for the end." She cuddled into him and added, "I had never felt so alone or utterly helpless before. It was the worst feeling I think I've ever experienced."

"Well, you know what they say," said Rick as he looked at her, "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger." When she looked up to him he smiled. "You're the strongest person I know, Lisa, and it's just one of the many reasons why I love you."

Her smile matched his as she replied, "I love you, too."

Rick leaned down and kissed her, and when he broke their kiss a few seconds later he added friskily, "Now, let's see what we can do about this robe."

An instant later, feeling helpless was the farthest thing from both their minds.

The End.


End file.
